I am preparing my departure so I’ve asked these days a lot of people for feedback related to my activity in the past year. Almost everybody told me I’ve got a lot of crazy ideas and some of them are good and can be taken further and used. And my ego went off and was happy thinking that if only 1 in 10 crazy ideas is adopted and used further with success, it is a great hit rate. This was confirmed with almost the same words by one of my colleagues. So, I started glowing for a day or two thinking that I also do good things.
Then, the other day I was talking with a colleague who was very happy of an opportunity she has and she was praising the one that proposed the adventure. And I was thinking: “Wait, this was my idea!” and an evil shade of jealousy darkened my mind and I could not see that the idea was good and put in practice was exactly what was needed, I was just thinking: “This was MY idea! Nobody is praising me for it and it is MINEEEEE! ALL MINEEEEE”. Then my hair fell off, I shrunk and I transformed into Gollum.
What happens with these ideas if they don’t leave the nest? Are they of any good if somebody cannot take and apply them and get positive feedback? Does it matter if my name never appears in the conversation? It is not like I did it on my own, it is a result of a conversation and somebody believed in it and struggled to put it into practice, so I am just 10-20% of the action. Maybe I would not even be capable of taking it further.
Also, I get others to validate my crazy ideas and see if they work; so I have a pretty serious safety net in case of failure. They will never say MY idea sucks, cause they have no clue it was mine. The Gollum reaction has no logic at all!
Generally this does not happen to me, but this week it bite my ass and I had to go home, eat a chocolate and let it cool off because I knew I was horribly wrong. Happily because my ass is rather fat this jealousy is now having a liver problem and will soon die of high cholesterol.
Does this happen to you? Am I the only rotten egg in the basket?