Zen Failure

It took me 33 years of life and 10 years in the work field to finally be able to fail at work and have a good night sleep afterwards. No tantrums, no replaying in my head over and over again, no finding different answers and having imaginary conversations, no blaming myself, no finding excuses just thinking “ok, i failed. let’s see why and move on.” And it was an incredible breath of fresh air and I said to my self: “you finally grew up”.

But then, of course I realised it was not so simple and nope I did not reach the Zen-Fail yet. I thought what I did wrong and I realised I knew I had very little chances to convince, so I invested little time in preparation, I did not read enough and I did not gather enough arguments for my reasoning. I set myself for failure because the chances were very high, so I did not put all my energy into the matter. Then, when failure happened, of course I was detached and not too affected by it, because I was expecting it.

What if I would have invested a lot of energy it in and still fail. Would I be Zen-Fail? Not too sure. Of course then, I could also use another way of thinking and say “I did my best and that is good enough for me” and still be in Zen-Fail, but I am not sure of it.

Now, no matter of my next failure and how I relate to it, what I saw today is that it took me very little time and energy to analyze what I did wrong and pinpoint the mistakes. No feelings attached to it and only clear headedness was purely great. Do not get me wrong: I am realising I fucked up and it is not too good and it might have consequences so I am not treating this light, but rather focusing on the next steps instead of fixating on “Oh my God, I failed!!” . And this is the Zen-Fail, not crying about failure but moving to the next steps.

This must be the long term solution for mental sanity at work, cause we’ll fail again and again and again…. The more responsibilities you get, the more you fill fail until you learn, this is the only way further. Look at nature, it had to create thousands of awkward species until it managed to get it right and create a woman 😉